War Of The Worlds Part 3 (Finally!)

[AssCake]

Horray!

ON the Imperial Flagship the Imperium.....



The Battledroids walk as fast as they can carrying the imjured High commander.



They place him down on the bedlike machine.



He groans in pain.

HOURS later....



The mechinism begins to rise...



HC: MUHAHAHAHA!



He gets off the machine.

Battledroid: Sir, your claw is a special weapon.



Stormtrooper: Get in their, prisoner.



The High Commander puts his hook in the back of the clones helmet, and the clone screams in pain, and dies.

Battledroid: It makes the armor tighter and squeezes him to death.

MEANWHILE, in the hanger area



Gunship lands in hanger.

Storm: Huh?



CT-104, CT-X, CT-879, and marine Jack get out of the gunship, and it leaves.



Imperial troops in the hanger raise their guns...



So does CT-879....



But the clone is victorius.



The stormtrooper above raises HIS rifle....



So does CT-X....



But CT-X is victorius.



They proceed through the halls....



And the High Commander attacks CT-879, and kills him.



Jack: NO!!!



Jack fires, the HC is knocked down by the shots, and Jack is knocked down by his rifles power.



High Commander: ARGH! I shall return....



He suddenly dissapears

MEANWHILE, on Neoterra, a war is raging....





Then, the Master Chief speeds in!



He gets off the bike, and aims his heavy blaster at the helecopter.



...And sucessfully guns it down!



The Master Chief then used the ruins as an advantage, and uses it as a barrier.



He takes out an elite.



Enter CT-970 "Back"....



Back runs for the cover of the helecopter ruins.



He rolls under.



The spearman notices him.



He charges!



Back aims, fires....



And kills him.



Another helecopter comes in.



Enter "SZ"



The AT-TE is destroyed...

But SZ jumps out and rolls!






He grabs the "Speargun" and puts a metal blade into the helecopter, and it goes down.



He then turns to the infantry trooper,



Guns him down....



And takes his automatic rifle!



The jet trooper jets over to the remaining blademan,



And guns him down. The battle is over.

Neo teleports over to somewhere on Neoterra



Neo spots the Saber Scorpion.....



He hops into his helecopter

Saber Scorpion: You will never catch me, Exelor!



His helecopter takes off.



And he leaves

Neo: Better do the same.



A puff of soke, and Neo is gone.

ON the Imperium....



Neo "Poofs" in, and starts dueling Darcious.



After awhile, they duel their way to the tunnel hub of the ship.



The High Commander Walks in.

High Commander: Rebember me?

Neo: Of course, it took me three days to get yor blood off my robes!

Neo laughs.

Darcious: All Yours.



High Commander: It wont be so funny when its YOUR blood on MY uniform.



Neo tries to strike, but the High Commander grabs the shot.

Neo: Clever.



Neo pulls his saber out...



And the High Commander falls down.



He gets up.

High Commander: Where did he go?



Neo "Poofs in"

Right here....



Neo throws him on the floor, and goes for the kill.



But the High Commander dissapears before.



Darcious dissapears, too.



Might as well go to the bridge.

He "Poofs away".

OVER The Hub vent...



The F-96 flys over.



The AT-AW falls in, and fires at the tunnel entrances.



After awhile, he knocks down the ends, and cripples the transportation.

BACK on Neo's flagship bridge

Neo: Tactical manuver, prepare to strike.



Neo: Launch fighters.

BACK on the flagship



Darcious: Coward Exelor.....



The ship is hit with laser fire, and Darcious is thrown into the air.



Darcious: AHH! Launch all fighters!

SPACE...





A F-105 shoots down a TIE Terminator.



Another one tails the back of the fighter.



The Terminator guns it down.



But another F-96 kills that one.

AFTER about two hours of that repeated.



All craft Return.

BACK on the Flagship



Neo: DARCIOUS!? Where are you- Hm.. I detect alot of energy from this portal.

Neo walks in...



And gets sucked in.



Darcious: NO! MY SECRET!



He jumps in and gets sucked in.

SOMEWHERE else...



Neo: Where are we.

Darcious: Table Portal.

Neo: Uh oh...

THE END!

Stay tuned for my next comic (A continuation of War of the Worlds) REAL WORLD WAR!

[AssCake]

Comments?

[Jamit]

Jack and SZ were awesome.

What was with the "Poofing", it really messed up this comic.

I don't get why you had Saber Scorpion in, he had like 2 pictures.

-Jamit

[AssCake]

A. "Poofing" is when Neo makes a poof of smoke and dissapears, transporting

B. Its telling how Neo got onto the Flagship,

And Saber Scorpion will be in the next, so explaining the grudge in the next one.

And did you think the last one was funny?

[Sz_2cool4u2b]

Man, that's awesome. ;D

Nice cliff hangar too, can't wait to see the next.

Jack and SZ were cool too, great comic Neo.

[TheQ]

I might be kinda wrong person to critise this but I would like to say this: LESS pics, MORE writing. I suggest you would look this: Anthony Sava's Kingdom of Ikros series. Lets just say that Sava uses the TEXT to tell the story and the images are "for example" kinds. You could live without them, but they give nice addition to the text itself.

Also, the number of the characters is rather high. Person, who sees this story without seeing the first one, could get the idea that you have lots of "main" characters in your story.

Anyway, just my opinion.

-TheQ

[AssCake]

MORE PICS= BETTER VISUAL IDEA OF WHATS GOING ON

LESS TEXT= MAKE IT SPEAK FOR ITSELF.

And lots of characters are better.

[Sz_2cool4u2b]

Yeah, maybe more text would be nice, but I'm fine with lots of pictures.

[J1A3L5]

Meh, I'd just go for better-written text. I mean, the story is fine but the text seems dull and repetitive. More descriptive works, unique word structure, etc., makes it more interesting to read.

My biggest suggestion would be to embed the text directly onto the image. Even just add it to a white box at the bottom. Sure, it looks like crap, but then it all is joined together. Also, that way you can just link to your brickshelf gallery and let people read it themselves, than filling a thread with pages of images that have to load even when you just want to read the newest comments about it.

-John "J1A3L5" Langrish who's motto for the day is "If you want a good reaction, do it how the viewers want, not how is easiest."

[Jamit]

My biggest suggestion would be to embed the text directly onto the image. Even just add it to a white box at the bottom. Sure, it looks like crap, but then it all is joined together. Also, that way you can just link to your brickshelf gallery and let people read it themselves, than filling a thread with pages of images that have to load even when you just want to read the newest comments about it.

I prefer them in the post, but that's just me.

-Jamit

[AssCake]

j1a3l5 said:

Meh, I'd just go for better-written text. I mean, the story is fine but the text seems dull and repetitive. More descriptive works, unique word structure, etc., makes it more interesting to read.

My biggest suggestion would be to embed the text directly onto the image. Even just add it to a white box at the bottom. Sure, it looks like crap, but then it all is joined together. Also, that way you can just link to your brickshelf gallery and let people read it themselves, than filling a thread with pages of images that have to load even when you just want to read the newest comments about it.

-John "J1A3L5" Langrish who's motto for the day is "If you want a good reaction, do it how the viewers want, not how is easiest."

No kidding, thats why im not putting words in picture.

[TheQ]

I have red this once and when I wanted to see the comments, I just waited that the rest of the forums can be seen, and then hitted "stop" button.. Thank Lord (was going to write the G word, but remembered that there was some people who were annoyed by that ) for Mozilla Firefox ^^